Okay,for those who didn't know,I won a Valentine's Day Radio contest organised by A+ ABM MusicQ radio. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I chatted with the DJ and asked her about MusicQ and she said that she need people to participate in the contest. Basically, the contest was to show your love for MBLAQ and MusicQ and the winner will get a BLAQStyle poster and a cool magazine, check it out below!


So I was studying Geomatics and I decided to supprt them and join for fun! So I wrote a poetry that goes like this...

~Love(Sarang)~ The lighter side~

Love is finding out that your sister wore your shirt and realised you wore hers recently too.
Love is when your mum nags the whole day and night but still cook your meals on time.
Love is when your brother brother kept winning a game and when you got sad, he would lose intentionally.
Love is when your dad woke up late at night to catch the coackroach in your bedroom.
Love is when your friend sang songs on your birthdays even though she thinks she is bad at singing.
Love is when your lover never fails to send you home just to make sure you are safe.

Love is when MBLAQ won the M!Countdown, cried and you can't help it but to release some tears of joy.
Love is when Seungho did a FAIL aegyo and you still think it was extremely cute!
Love is when you could not stop laughing whenever G.O acts all silly with a pokerface.
Love is believing that Joon is intelligent though he doesn't know timetable 7 well!
Love is finding reasons to love Chundoong other than him being cute as you know,he hates being called cute.
Love is when you find Mir so adorable even though he kept spilling out secrets and screamed in random shows. XD
Love is appreciating Rain(Bi) even more for bringing these five talented,silly,hot guys together.

Love is listening to Music Q late at night on MBLAQ's first anniversary.
Love is MusicQ entertaining A+ despite knowing the possibility they might be talking to themselves.
Love is MusicQ providing gifts for A+ with their own pocket money.
Love is my feeling towards MusicQ for making my valentine's this year special. :)

-Saldila 12th Feb 2011-

I tuned in this morning and got to know I won. It was really unexpected and I do feel honoured...Thanks to the DJs and blaqbi for the great magazine! Saranghae! <3

If you wanna see the magazine,tell me and we could meet up and you can spazz all you want! It's GOOD Luv people!hehe! :)

Many things happened so fast and so quickly. Many became closer to me while some just got further away. I never regret the things that happened to me as it really somewhat moulded me into being the person I am today.

These past few weeks,I've learnt:

• The unlimited,unswayed love from a mother to a child.
• Tanggang (a popular malay fictional character of an ungrateful defiant child) do exist in this world in my life.
• There is a cause why these 'Tanggangs' exist.
• The blame a father accepted, the criticism he is willing to accept from his siblings just to protect his family
• Friends and relatives could be the nicest things on earth and also, the MEANEST things on earth
• Silence doesn't mean it's a sign of respect,it means many mean things are in your head
  

However,after much thinking,I've learnt that:

• My life is getting better
• My parents do love me and my siblings
• Relatives and Friends could be 'placed aside' if they bring no happiness and love to my life
• There is so many things I am lacking in life,things I wanna achieve,things I wanna prove
• I don't want to make my parents cry anymore
• My parents won't give give tears of pain anymore
  
• I don't mind being given silence, at least I don't have to kill you :)
  

MOST importantly, age does not mean you are wise and right. Everyone makes mistakes. I take what I think is right but if you're wrong,I don't mind correcting it or dump that foul mind and thoughts of yours aside.

Lastly,I've been making myself pre-occupied with MBLAQ lately. Yes,it's a revolution in my life. This is because listening to them,I feel happy,lifting the burden,sorrows that is cooping inside me. Yes,I'm stressed and depressed but I have to move on with life. I do speak to Allah a lot,knows he would do what's best for me but sometimes,I need songs and videos to keep me distracted. MBLAQ helped me.

So sorry if I did not do work on time,feel tired all the time,skipped some of the classes,out of the blue became sick or fangirl all the time. Nah,it's not for you readers,this is for myself.

If you think you're having it worse then me,share  it with me,enlighten me,we can make each other feel better. :)

I'm 18 already yo!! Like finally like that~ Am I having Bipolar?*wave it away*

It's 2011 and I'm 18 with tonnes of reports and projects to do not to mention have to step it up further for exams and tests.

My younger sis asked me "I know some people who is like in her 20s and has no close guy friend,not going for dates and no boyfriends,no flirty pictures with guys..Umm,I don't want you to be like that but I think you might..." *Gave me a full body check*

I was angry,sigh.It's not like I don't want to,it's just I rather take it slow.I don't feel like forcing myself into this. It's not like I could not do that,I could but there's other things I have to do,priorities... Still,it's kinda sad that I have the knowledge,my friends asked me for love advices and yet, I can't relate that much...

So I told my younger sis "I might if you kept asking me to buy you things either now or in the future..." She did not answer.

I might be the second child but my responsibility in the household is beyond anyone's imagination. Guys,they should find me not the other way round. Besides,I have my friends and family not to forget school and oh yes,MBLAQ to keep me preoccupied for a very long time...

So how did I spend my brithday?
Well, I love all the gifts!! Amirah planned a failed surprise birthday party on my birthday.She almost broke down,ahah! She then made it up with a successful one together with secondary school cliques yesterday! ;D

My sisters,they told me they just bought a laminated MBLAQ pic for me... -.- Though they bought the gift months ago and it's a small MBLAQ purse!

I really happy that there is a lot of MBLAQ's gift but if I have more this year,I would faint out of overdose. So yeah...hahaha! Thank you all once again..Here are some pictures!

HAPPY 2011 AND LET'S MAKE IT A BETTER ONE! En Garde!! ;D

If you have not noticed,I cut my hair. I do miss my long mane but since it is damaged,it has to go. Yeah,I realised how magazine could be biased against short hair women these days. Most of their hairstyle suggestions are for women with long hair. -.-

Recently,I started to have intense and vivid dreams. It was really intense that when I woke up,I felt tired and I had headaches. Don't tell me what I dreamt about but it's definitely not wet dreams. haha! xD

So here are some weird facts about dreams,the ones you had while you are asleep.

• In an average  lifetime, you would have spent a total of about six years of it dreaming.
• Dreams are indispensable.  A lack of dream activity may imply some protein deficiency or a personality disorder.
• Blind people do dream.
  
• People who are in the process of giving up smoking tend to have longer and more intense dreams. (Umm,I don't smoke so can't be the reason)
• If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming. (Really?My sis said I snore all the time but I dream most of the time too! :s)
• According to a research study,  the most common setting for dreams is your own house. (True!)

Got this from http://www.dreammoods.com/dreaminformation/dreamfacts.htm Check it out!

That's all for now! :)

Really reminds me of my elder sis.HAHAHAHA!

Hey,how is your week? Mine was way too fast that I actually forgot most of the things I did this week. I guess that will be your answer too,haha! So,my samsung earphone got spoiled yet again and I don't want to buy yet again a non-durable samsung earphone.

 So I bought an iLuv earphone,reasonable price,chic looking and it sounds so good. If sound can be made this good or better with good quality earphones,I won't mind spending more on it,maybe in the future,I'm broke right now,yeah whatever. LOL.

Last Thursday,I sent my grandma to the hospital where she was admitted for a few days,all alone. The long hours and a stubborn grandmother was hard but it's a duty I must obliged. So that night, I was helping my mum carrying groceries when I realised,why am I doing all this alone? Where the hell is my out of job elder sis?

She was at home. She woke up later than me,she never does any housework,she never pay the bills yet was in her room watching tv all day and night,using my laptop and she just keeps eating. She is now fat! Gosh,talking about this makes me boil yet again. Worse, she asked my mum to buy food,stuff for her and never pays for it. She is 22 for goodness sake! SHE IS THE REASON WHY PEOPLE SAY FAT PEOPLE ARE LAZY.

So now,she is not allowed to use my laptop and I don't feel like chatting with her these days. I said right to her face that: FREELOADERS ARE NOT ACCEPTED AT HOME!

The moral of my story today:
Firstly,don't be an arse like my sis. If you have nothing else to do,volunteer to help people or find a job. NEVER BE A FREELOADER! Don't hurt you loved ones by wasting your life,morality and education that way.

Secondly, if you have an elder who at least,contribute to your family's living expenses,make your parents smile and buy you lunch or dinner, APPRECIATE THEM. Even though they are always so busy working and hardly have time for you, at least,you know they are doing that for your parents and you. It's good enough not to have a sister who did not grant her duties yet you can't throw her away. Makan hati (Eating my Heart),you know!! :)

For me,I am happy enough that I'm not and will never be like her. :)

Happy Children's' Day to those of you who appreciates the kid in you,like me!haha! Maybe 10 years later,I would be sitting down and blogging about my teenage life just like what I'm going to do today,talking about my Childhood life. Alright,I spare you the grandmother story. I will just tell you the changes (major ones) I faced during my childhood.

When I'm 1-5 years old,my life was wonderful. I'm the youngest hence,the adored one. Life was as easy as waking up to cartoons and play time. I would follow my mum to the market and shopping centre. I like pretty stuff. My idol is Princess Jasmine from Aladdin,my hot crave is Power rangers. haha!

Once I told my mum that I wanted a new set of pillows and went to school. I came home to a new set of pillows and slept right away. Holidays are spent at Pulau Hantu with my cousins. Travelling means flagging a cab. I have no few friends and I don't care,I don't need to make new ones.

Childhood friend: Two boys who lived on 15th floor and I lived at 16th floor. It was always the four of us,two boys and two girls. A match made in heaven really! haha! We played a lot though our parents were strict. We did really stupid but amazing stuff. We could shout at each other through windows.haha! I will spare you the details.Just to let you know,police are involved too.haha!

Then when I'm 6 years old,I have two younger sisters. I am not the adored one anymore. I'm usually on my own as my elder sis spent lots of times with her 'matured' friends. We moved to Jurong and it's like starting a new life all over again. I have no friends,I could not make one. I get sick easily hence,deemed an outcast in school. I could not accept the fact that life is not 'princess like' anymore.

When I'm in primary school,more changes happened. I have friends but no close ones. I'm usually on my own. I never really mixed around with the Malay,I have more Chinese friends. I have to start travelling with bus and trains while taking care of my younger sisters for my mum. If I see pretty things and got thirsty suddenly,I could only keep quiet and walked away. I fell sick all the time and my grades fell badly. I hated the world. My aunts told me that my family have no money hence,I should be more considerate. I accepted the fact and changed.

I started spending my time studying and playing hockey. I could not shop and I'm fat so I would wear boyish clothes that are bought from the market. I would eat at home most of the time. I only have few close friends when I went into a better class. Though one thing for sure,I found out a talent of mine which is script writing and acting. :)

If I have food,I would give it to my younger sisters. My clothes are passed down to them. My friends goes to vacations and school trip but I rejected them as I have no money. While my friend buys expensive drinks and food at Bird Park,Science Centre etc. I would stand by the side and wait for the school bus quietly.I enjoyed small things in life like eating a cake during my sister's birthday etc. and I know I must do well so that I would be qualified and soon one day,I would ride my own car and bring my family for vacations. :)

Hello there! It's the holidays for me and I'm definitely enjoying life for now after weeks of sleep deprived nights and emotional argument whether to slack or not even for a while. How are my papers? Some confident ones but some are just 'down the drain type of papers'.lol.

My hari raya? This year is smooth sailing,as usual,my elder sis did not celebrate,not much drama though deep inside,I crave for a different way of celebrating of Hari Raya. Not just the same routine every year. Not that I hate the way I celebrate my hari raya these days. I do,with many people,taking a huge bus or going to my maternal relative's house together with my uncle and cousins,it is fun. Still,I want variation.

I want to just chill out at home with my family,watching the tv and maybe with my grandma with us the night before hari raya. Run some late night errands or have someone draw henna that night. The next few days are just own time own target,a family car ride,no rush or a must go house. If I feel like it,I would go to the person's house. Hari raya as a simple affair yet meaningful. :)

I've changed my blog tittle. I believe that every each of my entry,I would be at one of the stages on my tittle. I don't want to be Odelia etc. That's not my name! *ting ting's song* They call me Sally,they call me Odelia,That's not my name! That's not my name! haha. I'm Saldila and this is who I am. Having another name to be myself is fake and an escape. So yeah,I shall face head on to my life and my thoughts. Most importantly,Saldila is unique,a name that belongs only to me. Thanks mum! haha! :)

So I guess you can see that I'm happier and getting better. I've been recuperating? Reading Life Lesson for Women,thinking,spending less time with people to focus on myself. I'm changing for the better and still is. Honestly,sometimes we just need time for our own,our self who is our own best-est friend.

So tell me,how many of you have written a love letter to yourself? Sounds crazy? Yeah but it works. If someone gives you a letter,they might be lying but if you write on your own,you know it is the most sincere and nothing but the truth. I did that and I fell in love with myself again. Of course,we have our bad qualities but humans are not perfect,accept it and do less of it. That's all to it.

In this life,we always have to do things that we need to do such as studying,making money,taking care of kids,family etc. We must put some hours in a week to do the things we want like shopping,reading,drooling at hot hollywood,korean celebrities etc. Do it,no excuse!

So basically,this is what I've learnt:
#1- Write a love letter to yourself,read it when you are feeling down or lonely.
#2- Spend time for yourself,alone,connecting with yourself again.
#3-Set aside some time even 10 min everyday doing things you like.
#4- If you have 1 year left to live,what would do? Do it within the next one year.

Good luck for those of you trying! Oh ya,if you saw me and talk to me and all I did was nod and smile. I'm not being attitude. It's the fasting month,I might be tired or most importantly,I don't want to shock you with my stinky breathe.hahaha! Sorry really. xD

Dear Diary,

today I shall talk about Saldila. She had responsibilities as the older sister in the family and the hope of her parents. She used to be nice,all quiet trying to impress people all the time. All of sudden,she felt that she don't want to be in the shadows. She hates to be likeable but not herself. So she showed the world her real self. For a year or so,people could not aacept her but then, people realised that this new Saldila is not that bad after all. Don't mind making jokes and tell people how she feels honestly. Saldila is happy but full of vengeance as people treated her badly before.

After many years being like that, she got into arguments, hurt people along the way,her mum said that she is sarcastic etc. She used to ignore thinking that if people could not take it,then don't talk to her. Recently,she realised that things are getting from bad to worse. She started to hate herself for being straightfoward.

She felt that after many years this personality just got worse and she had went overboard. She need people,she needs friends,deep down she know she is a nice person but before she could show these people she is nice,people would have to adapt with her ugly personality of being all nasty and straightfoward.

Her sister called her noisy. Guys is not part of her life because she could never trust them and would be all nasty to them. Saldila has a problem. She is going to be an adult. Whenever she sees a working lady being all straightfoward and nasty, she don't like them but at the same time, she could never ignore the fact that she is becoming one of them.

She don't like herself anymore. In order to love others,we need to love ourselves. Saldila don't love herself anymore but she needs to. So she decided,she would change accordingly,would be more ladylike and understanding. No more noisy,sarcastic,revengeful,nasty,straightforward Saldila. Just a fun one,she hopes. She is sorry if she hurt anyone because of her attitude and she hopes she would accept her new self. :)

Excited and hopeful,
Odelia.

Dear Diary,

 I woke up this afternoon with a backache. Yes,afternoon,I'm having my break! haha! The weather these days are just so so hot but I do love the sun while doing my work in the room. Keeps me awake! I shall talk about my grandma today.

Unlike other grandmas who is plump/skinny/short, my grandma is tall and big. My young cousin called her 'Grandma Giant'. My elder sister's boyfriend was shocked and scared when he saw her the first time. hahaha! She weighs >90kg and thinks she is not heavy. Her voice is really high pitch,when she is excited or angry,her voice is like shrilling. No kidding!

She was born in Singapore but her dad registered her name as a Malaysian citizen.(she is still angry about that!) Stop studying at Primary 3, got married at 13(!!) and a single mom to 10 children at a young age,life was hard for her. So unlike rich grandmas,she is roughed out by a hard life. Worked as a cleaner at Alexander Hospital almost everyday day and night, my aunts and uncles are very independent...

Despite the fact that life was hard,she made sure everyone goes to school and study well whether it's a girl or a boy which is very weird as girls are encouraged to stay at home and help out at home. I do wonder why she made it a point?

Last night,I've found out that her mother refused to send her to further studies even though they could afford it. She wants to study but never got a chance so she makes sure her children were given a chance to study no matter what. Somehow,her children believes in that too. I'll be the happiest girl if I do well in major exams like PSLE and 'O' levels because evernthough my parents can't give me rewards,my uncles,grandma and aunts would. Not that I'm hoping for it,I know it's for my own good but at least I could celebrate my hard work.

She loves her cats and now,cat. She said that if she has to bring something from her during a flood,it would be her cats. LOL. She cried thinking her cat broke his legs. She thinks oreo are burnt cookies and is not fit for eating. She loves coffee with extra sugar. She hates her stomach thinking that they are rude whenever she wanna do big business. She is very stubborn. why? She believes that we should never listen to what people say.

She has breast cancer,just undergo surgery,now living at my house. It's a blessing in disguise because this fasting month, many of my maternal relatives break fast at my house. I like! :)

Loving my grandma,
Odelia

Dear diary,

I do wonder? How many women in this world would stand up for their opinions in this world?I found this online from smartgirl.org,a survey done by female mostly aged 11 to 14. http://www.smartgirl.org/reports/1460498.html

What do you think feminism is? We asked our respondents to tell us what they thought that feminism meant. A majority thought that feminism is standing up for women's rights, and the equality for both sexes.

To be or not to be?

Less than half of our respondents told us that they were feminists while more than half told us that they weren't sure.

Feminist

View of Feminism

Most of you thought that there was a neutral view of feminism, although there were more of you who thought that feminism was looked at in a negative light than in the positive.

View of feminism

I am a feminist. I hate girls being treated badly. We have the rights to be treated nicely. Living in a family of all girls,I do know how much guys could hurt us and took advantage of us. I dislike guys who refused to take time to appreciate and be sensitive towards girls thinking that guys and girls are the same. We are different in many ways. We need each other in this world so it is important for us to understand each other. Whenever I see a guy treating a girl in the wrong way and that girl is my dear one, I would tell that guy off saying that what he did is wrong. Yes,he must have his reasons but handling his emotions badly and taking it on a girl, that's very wrong and huge problem on the guy's part. However,I'm sad that many girls refused to stand up for their opinions and take the neutral side. So the girls are like bo chap when something happened to their gender. From the statistic,more even felt negativity to feminism. Why?? I don't care about what the girls feels about feminism,what they should do about their lives and opinions. For me, I would say what I believed and I would protect my loved ones. Stop making a girl cry for the wrong reason? They should smile is so beautiful that it blooms the earth. Not scared to say what I feel, Odelia.

Dear diary,

Yesterday,my class and I went to Pulau Hantu. The island is still abandoned and beautiful except for the industries that stood so near to the island now,don't like... :( Arrived really early,it was low tide so we searched for creatures,starfishes on my palm. It was interesting. Then,like every outing,nothing was really successful,we did not barbeque much,did not get to swim much so we went back to school to finish bbq-ing our food for dinner. Yeah. :)

Sigh,alright,I'll be honest. It was fun but the not so happy moments were much more,raining and people all angry and tired. As we people bonded more with each other,something happened and few bonds were broken. It's like this trip have been cursed. I'm sorry it does not turn out well and I'm not saying it to people,just to myself. Just to myself...

Dear diary,
 My friend has just celebrated her 18th birthday and believe me,she is still the same old Amirah,physically and emotionally. That's what I love about her,she is timeless. I would never have to worry that one day, she would look all slutty with mini skirts and thick makeup while bitching about weight and how guys bring her world down. There's more to life than that right? Happy Belated birthday ma cherie! :)

 Yes,I'm fasting and it's not easy. I was sick and almost recovered. Have to blame the weather and the lack of opportunity to drink water. No worries,I'm up for the challenge!

 So I did a major mistake by forgetting to include a friend's name in the next class outing. OMG,I'm so so sorry. That's just me,forgetful,clumsy and careless.
I think because of that,she refused to join us for the class trip. Really,Im sorry. I even wrote down that if I missed out anything,do point it out. No one did? Anyway,it's my bad and I will refund her the money as I could not force her.

Sometimes diary, I wished that I am not that careless or clumsy because the consequences have been paid at too high for price. My intention was always well and beause of this flaw of mine, everything just goes down the drain.

That's why I can be a perfectionist sometimes and really,it's tiring. People would get irritated,angry,sad etc because of this flaw of mine. I'm trying my best and this is who I am. I'm never proud of it but I hope people would understand that this is a flaw of mine. Sigh. I always meant well...

Always trying my best,
Odelia.

 You must be thinking who the hell is Odelia Charlotte Sapphire Ann Marie? Well,it's me. Yes,each name represent one of the most vivid character I've discovered while reading my historical romances novels. Except for Odelia. It's a name I picked myself. It means The heiress,prosperous. Yes, I wish to experience the life of a heiress because having plenty of money is something that I can never imagine of. Consider it my little fantasy.hehe! :)

Found this beautiful classic journal at popular and I so want it but I know,I hardly have time to write everyday. It's cream/whit with sliver fonts and threads and a gold bookmark. Aww man!! I'm broke and it's expensive so I have to say goodbye to it. Damn,it hurts badly.

Oh well,this is my diary. So watch out for my new writing style as I transformed into Odelia Ann Marie. You are in for a confused world as this girl Odelia,tells you what she have discovered about life recently. Enjoy.

The last of Sally,
Saldila.

This morning my sister cried which really reminds me of myself in the past. About what? About the fact that the guy we like a lot never really put in much effort or commitment to make us happy or at least the relationship work. Sounds stupid huh? Not when you have hopes, dreams and effort on the relationship.

So we girls, cried over things,if someone actually say that they never cry about something before or love,they are full of bullshits. I'm sure they like to cry at home while suffocating themselves into the pillow to not let people know they are crying. Still,I wonder. How much do we cry? How much do GUYS CRY? The cause of half or more of our misery in life. I found this article.*Jeng jeng*

German Study Puts Statistics on Crying Differences Between the Sexes

A GoodTherapy.org News Headline (http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/german-study-puts-statistics-on-crying-differences-between-the-sexes/)

"It has been noted in plenty of observations about humans that women tend to cry more often than men, but researchers at the German Society of Opthalmology have recently divulged a set of statistics on the crying gap between men and women. The researchers released reports stating that on average, women cry between thirty and sixty four times a year, whereas men cry between six and seven times in the same period. The length of weeping and intensity levels are different as well; women cry for an average of six minutes, while men cry for only two to three, and women are prone to break into fully-fledged sobbing in sixty five percent of instances of crying, contrasted by a rate of six percent in males. Though the research doesn’t offer solutions for crying or striking a balance, it highlights a behavior that may be heavily influenced by gender roles."

© Copyright 2009 by http://www.GoodTherapy.org Therapist Bethesda Bureau - All Rights Reserved.

So what do guys do if they don't cry? Have sex with another girl? LOL,no(not sure about some).
They got angry,I mean really angry and violent.

Why? This is what I've found.
Many men have felt cut off from expressing emotions of grief that could help them heal from emotional wounds. Instead anger becomes the preferred emotion because it is more “male,” and men may need to work very long and hard to access the grief behind anger.

That make sense. I've always seen guys,boys in school or at home being all violent and nasty when they are sad. Reminds me of their clenched fist,heavy and deep breathing, penetrating eyes. Err, it's horror!!

So I would conclude that the song Fergie sang " Big girls don't cry", is crap. We girls big small,fat thin,dark fair,young and old cry. We cry when we are happy,sad,nervous and speechless. Oh, when we cry, we like a company too,it can be a person,a teddy bear,a bolster,chocolates or all times favourite ice cream. High maintenance indeed! ;)

I've heard stories about selfish people in trains. Saw pictures in stomp etc. Still, I had never experience it first hand and helpless at the same time because I'm standing. So this morning, in the train on the way to school, I experienced something that totally changed my perspective on successful people. 

I was standing at the door facing Dover. At Boon Lay,all the seats have been filled up. At Lakeside, an old lady who obviously have some leg problems because she walked kinda funny entered. She stood at the the reserved seat hoping the lady sitting in front of her would give up the seat to her. She was holding the pole so tightly as the train moved like her life depends on it. The whole row was occupied  by working class adults,MOSTLY WOMEN. Yes,women who might be pregnant, old or fragile.

 I looked at her and started planning on my next move. I realised I should approach the old lady and asked if her leg is painful If yes, I'm ready to 'invite' the lady sitting at the reserved seat to give up a place. Yes, I would cause a scene like I freaking care.

The old lady looked at me and smiled. A girl my age,stood near us can only gave the 'OMG,poor lady' look. On the way to Chinese Garden, I approached the old lady. I asked her whether she was feeling any pain. She said 'yes.'

I was just about to tap the selfish lady when she stopped me saying there was no need. Still not satisfied, I asked the old lady where would she alight and she told me Chinese Garden. 1 stop, should be fine so I stood in front of her and she hold on the pole and lied back on the wall as support. She patted my shoulder while smiling. I smiled back. She said that the people sitting, saw her and immediately,close their eyes acting to be asleep.

I was shocked and when I turned true enough, they closed their eyes again. OMG,so fake. Worse, the selfish lady acted busy scrolling her iPhone. I was dumbfounded and furious but I continued to smile at the old lady. So we reached Jurong East, I purposely said loudly 'Take Care Auntie!', she said 'Thank You!',smiled and the train braked so she hold me for support as I led her halfway to the door.

I looked around,some were curious about the scene but I don't freaking care. I stood all the way to Dover thinking, what's up with this people? Worse when I reached Jurong East, a China lady also got up. Since, she is alighting soon,what's so hard about giving up a seat and stand for 2 stops. GEEZ PEOPLE, SO WHAT IF YOU ARE HEALTHY,RICH AND SUCCESSFUL,THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU DESERVE THE SEATS ANY MORE THAN OTHERS IN NEED??

YES,YOU ARE IN YOUR PRIME,DON'T NEED PEOPLE'S HELP BUT ONE DAY YOU MIGHT AND IF EVERYONE IS LIKE YOU PEOPLE, YOU WOULD SUFFER JUST LIKE THE OLD LADY. WHERE ARE YOUR VALUES THAT HAS BEEN INSTILLED SINCE YOUNG. NOW YOU ARE PRETTY AND RICH,YOU CAN FORGET ALL THAT?

IF REALLY SUCCESSFUL ADULTS ARE LIKE THAT, I RATHER STAY UNSUCCESSFUL. I BELIEVE ONE DAY YOU'LL END UP IN THE OLD LADY'S SHOE AND NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO HELP YOU.

My lecturer told me to practice creativity as it will benefit me. Regarding that, I have realised that hey,it's been a long time since I write some poetry. I can't say I write good ones,far from it but it does reflect a lot on my reflection on lives. I just made one. :)

~Behold Mr. Hare and Mr. Scrooge and a girl pondering in dismay.~

Mind filled with purpose and mission;
You clouded your ethics and mannerism;
Others feel anger,hurt and disappointment;
Still you never stop to ponder;
As you raced to the finishing line.
Oh mr.Hare from the Burrow Lane!

You walked by the icy cold street,
Carols,happiness and merriment filled the air;
The poor seeks salvation from others;
Still you never stop to ponder;
as you raced home which filled with fortune;
Claiming the poor deserves being poor.
Behold the stingy Mr.Scrooge!

I grew up listening to their stories;
Believing that characters like that would never be my friends,
Oh dear what a huge mistake I made!
These people are here around me;
masking mr.Rabbit and mr.Scrooge;
with innocence and kindness;
throwing it away when no needed.
Behold a girl pondering with Dismay!

Saldila 16/07/2010

So why not ask yourself this? Who are these characters in your life? How are you affected and what are you going to do about it? Good luck! :)

I think I am a perfectionist to a certain extent. I would want to get things done right and I never believe in checking only once when I do stuff. It is because I am just so careless that I don't trust my first time or second time work. It had to be checked at least thrice. This character trait of mine had been more prominent during exam periods.

I have just finished my tests and honestly, I am not satisfied at all. Moving on, this is why people always say that I'm hardworking and I love to direct people which can sometimes makes me bossy. It's bad being bossy, I have to admit but it is something in me, when I know I'm good at something and I have envisioned ideas, I would want it to be a reality whenever possible.

 Some might take advantage of me if I'm a leader because I would do extra work as a leader. However, since you can't give me ideas you would have to take orders from me and help me if I need any,no questions ask or you would be a dead meat. Still, if I have no envision, I would gladly let someone take charge and I would be a helper. This is what I call a team player. In a group, there would be a leader, team player and a team member. Today, I'm gonna focus on being a team player.

So what is a team player?
Team player: One who unites others toward a shared destiny through sharing information and ideas, empowering others and developing trust.
From yahoo.com

Ten Qualities of an Effective Team Player

Demonstrates reliability

Communicates constructively

Listens actively

Functions as an active participant

Shares openly and willingly

Cooperates and pitches in to help

Exhibits flexibility

Shows commitment to the team

Works as a problem-solver

Treats others in a respectful and supportive manner

 I have been following this site: http://cherry-n-rouge.onsugar.com/ for many weeks right now. This site belongs to me cousin. I'm always for the look out of good make up products at a cheaper price. Recently, I ordered Victoria's Secret Body Mist (No kidding!) and I'm so so excited to use it. 

She's giving away this cool eyeshadow from Rimmel!! I've never heard of this product brand before so I would want to try it. This is better than Habbo,seriously. This is real! Okay I'm such a web junk but Habbo is history. haha!

 


So if you are really into beauty products such as make ups, perfume etc. do check out her site! Follow her blog and you might get good deals and be part of giveaways as well!

I have been feeling exceptionally lonely these past few weeks. I felt that I am always alone, my room was empty even though my sis was exercising beside me (I hate it when she does that!).I find that I am not connecting with people, I'm always left behind.

 Sure I know a lot of things that happened at class,home etc and I'm there to see it even laugh at the incidents but I just feel empty that it's just a mere coincidence to be there and it is not done for me. It's like inside me was just another turmoil altogether and my skin is a wall and it filters my true feeling, expressions and aura.

 I have been thinking about how adorable kittens are and how great it would be if I can adopt.Si min did mention if she has a puppy, she can play with it and do all those cute happy things you know. Maybe you don't because you're not lonely just like I was, so I laughed it out. Now, it is so real to me that I kept looking at adoption sites as far as US hoping to see those cute kittens' pictures.

Lastly, I dreamt about things. When I looked at the meanings online, it says that it means there are good changes to my life, a beginning of happiness/ growth to my main interest like studies or relationships. I know I should never believe them but I do take it as a motivation that hey, things are always changing and it's really up to me to diverge my feelings from these symptoms of loneliness.

So what is the feeling of being lonely?
~As you may have already noticed, you may have lots of friends or know lots of people but still feel that you are all alone in this world, isolated, or even feeling empty.~

What causes loneliness?
As you may have already noticed, you may have lots of friends or know lots of people but still feel that you are all alone in this world, isolated, or even feeling empty.

Secondly, while being with other people is feeling that you are not welcomed, feeling that they don’t like you or feeling that they don't like what you say, in that case you may not be able to form intimate relationships with them and so you will feel alone when being with them even if they were hundreds.

How to overcome it?
-Emotional honesty,try to be more open with your friends, tell them about your fears and worries instead of running the usual superficial conversations. (I can't, I don't really trust anyone!)

-Get involved into a relation. (I rather be lonely than having to put up with a non-ideal partner.)

-Getting involved into some kind of a project that involves team work.( I'm having too much of this that I'm getting the reversed effect, no time to socialise.)

-You become more attached to being with other people when are experiencing a problem or having a bad time while on the other side you may feel quite normal on being alone ( Don't understand what this means but sometimes, I just wanna be alone, but not all the time!)
~http://www.2knowmyself.com/loneliness/overcoming_loneliness~

Conclusion, just hug my bolster when I wanna sleep and talk to myself. Nah! Just distract myself whenever I feel lonely, that's what MSN for. MSN not xin MSN. LOL!

Hmm, this topic reminds me of the song Never gonna be alone by Nickleback.
~Never gonna be alone, from this moment on..~